Best Dark Humor Jokes

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.

How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

“I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

What comes after 69? Mouthwash.

What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”

Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!

What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”

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